A New Year Wish

I thought of you, with my bespectacled face
Falling asleep in the middle of a night-shift
I thought I would write a few verses in pace
And mail it to you as my new year’s gift

It beats my comprehension whenever I ask why
It expends a dozen months to start a new year
Perhaps they go by the many stars in the sky
But the concept in my mind is not yet very clear

Why does the year have to conclude in December
Making January the first long month in the calendar
Someone once told me, but I can’t quite remember
A tall tale that I had to be strained through a colander

In December or April or with a November sun set
It matters not now when the past years did end
But remember the good times and people we met
It’s time to bridge gaps and lost friendships amend

So here is a wish that I just blew into the wind
Remember its message with every breath you take
Though weak in body don’t let your spirit be thinned
As through the new year, life’s journey you make

May your heart be filled with happiness and love
And your mind be blessed with wisdom and wit
Make space in this world for another white dove
And light a candle in darkness let us all do our bit

Though near or far, you may have touched my life
In a special way to make me send you this letter
So I pray that you will grow in courage through strife
May the New Year turn all in your life to the better

But again I ask “why?” for I still don’t see the reason
Why December alone is known as the merry ‘season’
To ask simpler queries I may never ever be wise
Why do I write verse when a sentence would suffice?

Wonderer

Perhaps I am one of those curious creations of God – the kind of creation that God didn’t quite know where to put. I could even be the result of billions of years of evolution. Maybe it took many thousand generations of mutations to turn ‘me’ out of this biological soup on Earth from a single celled organism to the upright organic biped that I am. Who I am and how I got here seem trivialities when I try to figure out what the hell I am doing here now or how I am ever going to find the meaning of life. I am alive on this planet as a result of billions of years worth of biological struggle; but why?

As a kid, I was told that the whole point of life is to do well in school and get myself the best possible job. Then I thought I could pass that to become a cricket star – wouldn’t that be the life! How about a fighter pilot... or why don’t I become an architect? Not as interesting as fighter pilot? But how can you beat the fun of being an astronaut? Could I find the purpose of life by walking on mars? But why not do something more relaxing and become a writer or journalist? I was clearly going insane; thinking about being a journalist in Sri Lanka! Or was I?

A journalist I became for a while. I was covering press conferences held by everyone from elephant conservationists to gay rights movements, walking the streets of the big city and writing features. I still write features every week and get paid for my writing, but I had decided that I don’t want to write for a living. So after spending twenty four years on earth and earning a degree in computing I still haven’t figured out what the purpose of my life is.

Whether it was God who created me with a divine plan in mind, or whether I am the result of chance mutations and evolved on earth – a wonderful accident of nature, I cannot accept that I am here without a purpose; to live a life of ignorance and die a looser. I have a hunch that the reason for my very existence is out there somewhere - not among the stars where I have often gazed in awe at night, but on this blessed Earth – perhaps in the form of another organic biped with a pretty face, star-like eyes, a hypnotizing smile and a warm loving heart. I am - until I meet her – a wonderer on the face of earth.

Constitution

I will be free and break through any shell that confines me
I will travel the world and open my mind to its richness
I will seek to discover myself and understand those around me
I will be content and happy with myself
I will be ambitious and seek to improve
I will be proud but not insensitive or arrogant
I will be humble yet never fail to stand up for myself
I will defend the week and helpless
I will be strong enough to admit my own weaknesses
I will be courageous and never give up
I will not spare my efforts
I will find my reward in the experience
I will be truthful but I admit that I have lied
I will not be too quick to judge or too slow to appreciate
I will believe in integrity and truth
I will not succumb to evil or let riches enslave me
I will preserve my belief yet be open to new ideas and change
I will laugh often and smile with sincerity
I will always have faith and hope
I will lead by example and inspiration
I will always be faithful and honest
I will treat others with dignity
I will invest encouragement and kindness in others
I will uphold what is just and respectable
I will deplore what is unjust and immoral
I will not treat my enemies with enmity or hate
I will be graceful in defeat and modest in victory
I will seek to grow in wisdom
I will learn to be responsible for myself and my actions
I will revere nature and appreciate the beauty that surrounds me
I will give of myself and of what I have
I will live a simple and meaningful life
I will love

The 'would have been's...

Here I am– the Cricket star that never became… but a computer geek… and Praveen who took this picture – the photographer that never became but another computer geek. Buths is keeping wickets – the ‘would have been’ honest politician who never became… but an hotelier…

Then there is Goliath who just landed back on Paradise Isle - the ‘would have been’ national rugger captain who became a guitarist and gospel singer, Chucky; the ‘would have been’ composer who became but a banker, Sid; the ‘would have been’ actor who became a software engineer among the multitudes of those ‘would have been’s... Astronomers who became teachers, Opera singers who became management trainees...

And what about the ‘would have been’ girlfriend I dare ask… who never became…???

Why is life full of twists and turns… so unpredictable and convoluted further by coincidences and chance occurrences that turn us upside-down…???

I need a rational explanation for life... a finite set of rules and laws that life runs by... an equation that can be plotted on a graph that would reflect and predict the patterns of life. I need a recipe that would make life humorous and interesting…

I need a to drink a jug of water… and go back to sleep…

All things explained

I found proof that "Men" and "Women" are in fact two entirely different species. (Now that explains a lot of things doesn’t it?)

What do you know about fairytales and what they taught you?

One of the true wonders of childhood is that we learn most of life’s lessons while we are very young, immature, restless, clueless and carefree – children. From important facts such as how a candle can burn your finger to myths and stereotypes such as tortoises have a better chance of winning races than rabbits. This is why I believe that pre-school teachers are to blame for most burning world issues from global warming and climate change to rising oil prices and the war in Iraq - because most of our reasoning is based on what we learn in pre-school.

This is no joke… I am convinced that George W Bush got his idea that it was perfectly ok to walk into Iraq and take whatever it’s “Evil tyrant” had after reading ‘Jack and the beanstalk’ to a bunch of kindergarten kids on that fateful day in September 2001 (it’s hard to think the president had ever read any kind of book ever before in his life). There the actions of Jack in stealing a goose and a golden harp from an evil giant are justified just because the giant was ‘evil’. It is also ok to train your pussycat to deceive the king so that you could marry the princess. I mean, it takes a pretty stupid king to take a pussycat seriously – which brings me to my next point.

In fact I think it is the fairytales that have taught us how it is essential for Kings and Queens to be brainless and the royal court to be comprised of practically the dumbest people in the land – so we still continue to elect the intellectually challenged to parliament. Take the myriad examples in “The Emperor’s New Clothes”, or “Rumpeltiltskin” in which a peasant farmer who gets an audience with the king convinces the monarch that his daughter could weave gold out of straw. You’d say the farmer was dumb to come up with such a pathetic story but hey… the king just buys that without any questions such as “ if your daughter could spin gold, how come you are so poor?”. This could have well been the classical version of “Dumb and Dumber”.

The magic of the old fairytales and their ‘happily ever after’ endings have failed. Donald Duck, Goofy, Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny and Tweedy Bird – all died prematurely thanks to the Ninja Turtles and other violent cartoons. Superman, Batman and Spider man are hanging to their lives thanks to Hollywood but they only show up once a decade or so. Kids today are engaged in Mortal Combat save their families in SIMS and become soldiers after playing ‘Counter-Strike’. To cut a long story short, we need a new set of proper fairy tales for the next generation to grow up on and we need them fast.

What's the point?

Don’t you think that it’s sad that most of us go through life half way or more before we ask ourselves “what’s the point?” Take no offence, but there are countless idiots among us who would die well before they ask themselves what it is they really want in life.

I mean it’s not just about life in general… take education for example… we go through many years in school even before we are mature enough to ask ourselves as to why we did all the things we did. Why is it such a big deal when you become first in class? Isn’t second or third good enough? Isn’t it good enough that you just passed? Why are we then preoccupied with University rankings; looking for nothing but the best universities? Wouldn’t any university degree be better than just having you’re A/Ls? Why do you then want to work for the best company and highest salary? Why do you think you need to buy a Mercedes? Isn’t a Toyota good enough? Isn’t public transport good enough? This is not about wanting what is best… it’s about why we choose to do most of the things we do. Why choose one thing over another? Simply… why bother?

I am not even questioning the motives behind our actions? Most of us are obviously motivate to do and get the “best”. But all I am asking is why? What’s the point? Why do people support political parties? Why do we look for recognition and acceptance? Why do we compete with each other? Why do we exploit nature to the extent that we destroy its resources that sustain our very lives? Why do we kill each other because we want their land or they want ours, or because they speak a different language or use a different name when they talk to God? Why do we fall in love? Why do we fall apart? How come cologne smells “good” but cow-dung doesn’t? What are the physical attributes that separate what is beautiful from what is not? What’s the point of having polarities in our perception of what is nice & ugly, music & noise, good & bad or right & wrong?

What’s the point of democracy? What’s the point in dying for “my country”? What’s the point in having lawyers and economists? What’s the point in having writers and journalists? What’s the point in funding science and technology research? What’s the point in electing politicians?

How do these elements contribute to my existence and well being? Who am I? what am I doing writing in this blog?

Back with a song...

It's been a while since I last wrote
A letter for the sake of good old times
So I came to Uni and cleared my throat
To write a letter - a verse that rhymes

A year and a half has whistled by
With time we grow in mind and age
Time has been in short supply
To notice the world beyond my hedge

A faster life has always bred
Little time for the creative mind
Tutes and tests that plagued my head
Would never let the brain unwind

Through strife and bliss I've lived to tell
A tale of joy and humble pride
One of gratitude for at times I fell
Many have helped me keep my stride

I hope that life has been good to you
Through many days that kept us apart
But memories of the things you do
I have always carried in my heart

This is a hint – an alarm bell
To warn you of an impending threat
In a few weeks I'll fly from hell
And land in paradise – it's time to fret

Exodus

The epistles of crap that stream out through the university proxy server would have eased out a bit, ever since boredom and what is now defined as JAVA-Torture (A.K.A. being assigned to build multiplayer games in Java) started eating into my days. That never for a moment meant that I had forgotten those dear ones on paradise isle or that I had given up my hobby which is boring others to death with long letters… I was rather fed up with the pain of thinking fond thoughts of home and longing to be reunited with family and friends because such a day seemed too far away. It was a matter of “if your arm hurts – then cut it off” sort of thing.

Now my heart is awaking yet again with the rising sun of hope and promise that I will see the shores of paradise in a few weeks. I try to lull it to sleep again – fearing that another disappointment might put it to sleep forever, but the resilient stubborn thing refuses to give up. My heart has resumed hostilities with my mind yet again, this time accusing the mind of making secret visits to paradise isle in my dreams at night – all the while my heart has been eternally imprisoned inside the ribcage. I know the poor thing has a point, but I have so far refused to take sides on the matter. The last thing I want at this stage is to make an enemy of my mind – who else could count on to wade me through this bog of Java and Game Programming? Surely the heart is pathetic useless in that department! (Oops! I hope I didn’t shout it out too loud for my heart to hear…)

Anyway, getting back to the point of epistles, I fear the worst. I think the worst of our fears have befallen us. Let me put it this way. When was the last time someone wrote a letter to you that was had more than… say… ten sentences? Maybe ten thousand years ago? (No you couldn’t have lived that long in the first place… there’s only one person I know who is so old-fashioned that she could have actually lived so long ago!)

My theory is that there has been a mass exodus of people from the Internet back to the real world. I am not sure whether that is a good thing or not… most blogs and websites (including my very own) and even most email addresses are turning out to be relics from our past (nearly ten of those whome I mailed this to had 'permenent errors' in their email addresses) than mirrors of our Internet presence…

Songs in exile

Home is where the heart is
And of course the place where the family biz,
With its bustle and hiss
And all those other things I miss
Exists, mix and lives
Where aunts and uncles, cousins, nephews and nieces meet…
To eat
Drink, laugh and share stories sweet

Home is where I need to fly
To walk through woods, climb mountains high
Sing a thousand songs and dance till I die
Under the stars at night to lie
And make a wish as one shoots by
I return home to those I love, silently, in a dream at night
The sight
Brings me hope and strength to fight

Home is where the wind blows
Over the still lake and the river flows
Through the valley floors
Around the mountain that soars
Majestically, and the full moon glows
And casts its hollow light on the still waters on a silent lake
I awake
To go through hell for heaven’s sake

View from the bottom

The view from top always seems better… you see more and far, you breathe less carbon dioxide and you are within reach of more ‘things’. When you are at the top… or close to it, others inevitably look up to you - literally or metaphorically as the case may be – and most people who are at the top tend to look down at those below them (little knowing sometimes that the people at the bottom may have a clear view of what’s up their pants or skirts. I don’t mean that in a vulgar sense, but it’s just that people at the bottom usually see all the dirt on the shoes of those who are at the top.)

The view from the bottom seems limited – always boring, often bleak and meaningless, sometimes hopeless – which motivates them to climb higher in pursuit of a better view at the top and more oxygen. People at the bottom, look up to those above them - sometimes with envy.

The bottom is not always the hell hole it is made out to look. It is perhaps the most insightful place to be… the place where you meet the real people behind the multitude of faces you see on the road… the place where you learn to appreciate the difference between genuine and cosmetic smiles and find the essence of unbinding and unconditional love; because when you are at the bottom, those above you do not have to put on a smile for you or bother to go out of their way to be nice to you. You are at the bottom of the food chain, the bottom of the pecking order, the bottom of the social heirachy... The University of Real Life however is at the bottom, from which you could graduate with the broadest appreciation of life and how you want to live it and how to treat others who are above you and below. After you have learned that, it may not matter anymore whether you reach the top or not.

Miserable musings

“Been sometime since you blogged…” said Assh. Somebody had noticed my absence from among the living… someone actually took the time to inquire… what a poignant gesture! I was touched. It’s been a while since I felt that people took notice of what I did or didn’t do. I mean, it’s not a bad thing to be insignificant and invisible in society – actually it can be a lot of fun – but it is not something many can live with for too long.

No… hold it… don’t just head for the “Next blog >>” button just yet. I do have a point… err… sort of…

See, for the past one and a half years, I have been living in which is officially; the most liveable city in the world. Of course those over-paid UN observers who made that claim weren’t “international students” but it is not hard to see why Melbourne is a wonderful and very accommodating city.

But there is a limit as to how ‘accommodating’ any place could be. I’ve been here just too long… I have almost forgotten what it felt like for people I meet almost everyday to recognize me as their son… brother… cousin, nephew or friend – and that is not a good thing. I am surrounded by terrestrial beings that are nevertheless alien as those who star in “Battlestar Galectica” or “3rd Rock from the Sun”.

This is not a story of alien abduction, but rather about social ties. We are social beings… at least we Sri Lankans are. We live in clans… our lives are weaved into a strong mesh of family and friends – whether we like it or not. We can’t survive without knowing all the intricate details and intimate secrets about our neighbours and interfering with the lives of all those who are unfortunate enough to be interfering with ours. I don’t quite know what I am going on about… maybe it’s the one thing I’ve been shouting out for months now… I WANNA COME HOME!!!!!

Lovescope

Heed their words the stars they say
While the thorny game of love you play
Keep all your worries out at bay
On this blessed St. Valentine’s Day

It’s not the only day of the year
To attend and care for those who are dear
No matter if they are far or near
Love them each day and make it clear


Aquarius
The stars are all evenly spread out in the cosmos for you so there is nothing significant happening in your loveosphere. Looks like you will have to creep into that pitiable ‘bachelors party’ again and spend Valentine’s Day with the guys – watch a movie, grab some junk food, drink Cola, idle around town, go home and pretend that you had the best Valentines day ever. How could you possibly have all that fun if you had a girlfriend no?

Pisces
You broke up just before the big day – so what! I mean who cares? I don’t mean to be insensitive here but what were you thinking in the first place. That guy wasn’t going to stand around watching you complain about his faithful mountain bike and watch you compare him with your previous boyfriend who had a BMW! Get a life girl and learn to measure a guy’s worth by the diameter of his vehicles wheels... not the amount of leather in the seats!

Aries
I got bad news and worse news for you. Well… the bad news is that all the stars have deserted you this time. Yes… even Uranus… (Even though it is technically a planet) Looks like its going to be a long and lonely Valentine’s Day this time as well. Hey… wait a minute… I am not done with the worse news. The stars say however that your personal space will be invaded… by mosquitoes during nights and flies during the day. I do feel for you… too bad you were born into Aries, but hey, don’t blame me. I am just the messenger!

Taurus
Jupiter will be going out with Venus (lucky bugger!) and mars is stuttering to ask Pluto (yes… out of desperation), but you my friend better keep to yourself this time. Looks like you will have to wait till the moon is reunited with the sun (the next lunar eclipse or solar eclipse – whichever takes longer) before you can even hope to strike a romantic chord with anyone. If you disregard this advice, your relationships will break up within hours (that doesn’t mean you’ll turn into Britney Spears either)!

Gemini
The stars say that all the bad luck you have had in your romantic pursuits has something to do with your health. The stars are showing me your teeth… Hmm… let me think… Right! It is about your oral health and hygiene… I am sorry to put it so bluntly but you will have to go brush your teeth before that all important date – because your breath stinks! A proper bath wouldn’t hurt either. (Darn! I was never good at breaking bad news.)

Cancer
Your stars seem to be jumping the queue yet again... ahem… wait… no they are going on a merry-go-round. Mixed fortunes and misfortunes seem to be the order of the day. You like this guy but he likes your friend and your friend likes this other guy who happens to be his friend’s brother-in-law’s cousin. But that dim wit of a guy likes you, but you like this first guy who only likes your friend who likes his brother-in-law’s cousin… or was it nephew... Err… it’s a vicious circle this… life is!

Leo
Fine! You love the girl and she might like you too, but the stars don’t like your approach. You should win the family over before you can woo the girl you idiot! However, personally I would start by making friends with the dog first… then the family (once you are safe from the barking Rottweiler, you will have the peace of mind to deal with her father who has a shot-gun) and finally the girl. It’s a flawless strategy, but somehow that didn’t work for me the last time though… I mean I made friends with the dog, but nearly got shot by the father!

Virgo
You two are a match made in heaven I tell you. You are simply amazing together. But hey! You got to be out of your mind to give her that ruby ring for Valentine’s Day! Do you have any idea what she’s got for you? She made a cake for you… just a cake! (How cheap I’m telling you…) And out of all that love, she over-baked it. Its charcoal man! You can’t eat that. Here’s an idea… pretend that you are allergic to gluten and sneak it out to the Gemini’s… they could use some charcoal to clean their oral cavities.

Libra
Oh… having love trouble now are we? Everything was ok until Mars jumped on Pluto and ruined it all for you at this extremely critical moment in time. I know how you feel… but we can’t call the love doctor because the guy has volunteered to help out with the Tsunami victims in the south and east since they need more help! Never mind that, you got friends don’t you? You can count on them to make you feel… err… better… sometimes… if you know what I mean... err… you don’t? Never mind… just forget it! Things could be worse. Ask Aries if you don’t want to take my word for it.

Scorpio
Why are you looking so nervous? You look like Saturn when it caught the ring fever… ha haa… that wasn’t a pretty sight! Anyway, are you worried about asking her out? Oh, that’s a tricky business isn’t it? I don’t mean to make you more nervous, but she could turn you down even before you can ask her out you know. Swear to God; it happened to me once! Then again it doesn’t have to be the end of the world… even though it could well be if your friends find out about it. Get drunk on water. That will ease the nerves my friend!

Sagittarius
So you think your good looks and flashy dresses will get any guy you want to play around with and dump, all with the blink of an eye? You are just like the guy across the street who thinks his flashy sports car is a “chick magnet”. Well he is right… I mean the car is a “chick magnet”… just that he isn’t… and when he takes it to the mechanic, the mechanic gets all the girls! Have you ever considered going out with him? He’s a great guy you know… and you two make a great couple!

Capricorn
So you love her, but you are too afraid to tell her how you feel. But seriously, how is she ever going to know how you feel if you don’t tell her? Think she has telepathy ha? The stars are clueless too (they always look the other way and blink when they are clueless. See what I’m trying to say?). At best you could win her heart and live happily ever after. At worst she might slap you or set the dog on you. So why not give it a shot and see? But then again, it’s not that easy is it? (Running away from that mighty Doberman I mean…) Good luck!

Walking with her shadow

I danced with an angel on a starry night
On a cloud in a misty dream
Floating through the mist and trance
Her face alit with a piercing beam
I caught a glimpse of her glimmering eyes
They looked so much like the stars
I was too afraid to hold her hand
As we danced away on wet blue grass

A million stars and a crescent moon
Shone above all through the night
The mountain peaks in a misty haze
Were hidden beyond my flimsy sight
I watched the stars and mountain mist
With the dawning sunbeams disappear
But love endured in a broken heart
And drowned it in a brackish tear

Shadows of angels shine in the dark
In daylight they burn like a blazing fire
They douse and tend the thirsty heart
But in content minds they brew desire
Dreams bring back those gleaming eyes
And blind mine with qualms of history
I lope through days and nights alone
But her shadow walks along with me

I'm back!!!

Now I am convinced beyond any reasonable doubt that there is a conspiracy to keep me from posting on this blog. Besides being tied down with work, I could not log in. Every time I enter my username and password, I would be logged into someone else’s blog – I am guessing that blogger.com was reading the wrong cookie because the blogs I got into often belonged to someone at Uni (I am using Uni computers). Anyway, the system administrators seem to have solved it after a couple of thousand complaints (they even fixed the CD-RWs!!!).

Conspiracy or not, here I am doing my bit to maintain my meagre existence in the blogosphere!