Thursday, December 22, 2005

Wonderer

Perhaps I am one of those curious creations of God – the kind of creation that God didn’t quite know where to put. I could even be the result of billions of years of evolution. Maybe it took many thousand generations of mutations to turn ‘me’ out of this biological soup on Earth from a single celled organism to the upright organic biped that I am. Who I am and how I got here seem trivialities when I try to figure out what the hell I am doing here now or how I am ever going to find the meaning of life. I am alive on this planet as a result of billions of years worth of biological struggle; but why?

As a kid, I was told that the whole point of life is to do well in school and get myself the best possible job. Then I thought I could pass that to become a cricket star – wouldn’t that be the life! How about a fighter pilot... or why don’t I become an architect? Not as interesting as fighter pilot? But how can you beat the fun of being an astronaut? Could I find the purpose of life by walking on mars? But why not do something more relaxing and become a writer or journalist? I was clearly going insane; thinking about being a journalist in Sri Lanka! Or was I?

A journalist I became for a while. I was covering press conferences held by everyone from elephant conservationists to gay rights movements, walking the streets of the big city and writing features. I still write features every week and get paid for my writing, but I had decided that I don’t want to write for a living. So after spending twenty four years on earth and earning a degree in computing I still haven’t figured out what the purpose of my life is.

Whether it was God who created me with a divine plan in mind, or whether I am the result of chance mutations and evolved on earth – a wonderful accident of nature, I cannot accept that I am here without a purpose; to live a life of ignorance and die a looser. I have a hunch that the reason for my very existence is out there somewhere - not among the stars where I have often gazed in awe at night, but on this blessed Earth – perhaps in the form of another organic biped with a pretty face, star-like eyes, a hypnotizing smile and a warm loving heart. I am - until I meet her – a wonderer on the face of earth.

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