I am smaller than the cloud that covers the sun
And the trees in the park that shade my path
But I am bigger than the bullet and its firing gun
That has drowned humanity in a blood bath
I am smaller than my little corner of the world
Its beautiful vistas, and the memories they hold
I am smaller than the happiness I covet and seek
And humility that elevates the broken and weak
I am bigger than the lion and the beasts it rules
And the aimless leader and his band of fools
I am bigger than the blame and false judgements
Their shallow thoughts and shrewd entrapments
I am bigger than wealth, or any price they can offer
I value the immeasurable; the quantifiable I scoffer
For I am bigger than desire that enslaves the selfish
Yet smaller than that which the heart always relish
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Monday, January 08, 2007
Too tired to talk about freedom
My father has had an obsession with the word “freedom” and what it actually meant. I may have just been caught in his tide of thoughts, when I instinctively choose that name for my own blog. Somehow, I am really not in the mood to write now. I would much rather stuff myself with some pasta and go to bed hoping tomorrow will be a better day. But if any of you, like my friends, wondered why I call my blog “froodom” and what I mean by that, all I can say is Khalil Gibran’s take on ‘freedom’ remains one of the best and concise takes on the word that I have read, because it reflects and has also shaped my concept of ‘freedom’.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
To trust again
About a year and a half ago, my friend and I were searching for topics to base our honours theses on. My friend took about a month to settle down with a topic, but it took just half an hour web-search for me to land on something that got my mind drenched in ideas – computer forensics and network security! I always had a thing for ‘investigating’ and an obsession with ‘defence strategy’ that ran back about half a decade, so I had a healthy appetite for what I was going to bite. Now, with my degree way behind me, my daily experiences and qualms has made me look back at my research in a different light.
Reading and keeping up-to-date with the latest tech-news is something I get paid to do, so I always had a good idea about the various dangers that were associated with the Internet. But when I started learning about the inner workings of computers and computer networks, things became a bit more serious. The curtain of enchantment that hid the principles of hacking and sending emails under someone else’s identity were burned down by simple logic. The technology that seems magical to most, turned out to be primitive and so easily exploitable when dissected. I would have expected all that knowledge to make me feel powerful, but it didn’t. Subconsciously, it made me perceive the Internet as inherently untrustworthy. I could not bring myself to trust anyone that I met exclusively online. I’ve heard of too many scams, phishing and cyber stalking to make that leap of trust.
Then came online communities – I got an invite from a friend to join Hi5, which I did. I liked the idea that it was a sort of easier and more fun way of keeping in touch with my friends, yet never ventured into cyberspace in search of new ones. When I browsed through the many networks of friends, I found out that most of my generation of Sri Lankans were more closely linked than I could ever have imagined, yet it did nothing to make me trust anyone that I didn’t know already. I came across a few interesting profiles and there were times when the temptation to share an idea or a suggestion overcame my reluctance to interact with strangers, but interestingly enough, I never expected to make new friends out of it and I never expected them to trust me either. It's almost funny when I think about it now, but I have often tried to explain to total strangers that they should not be so willing to trust me. I may have seemed like a psychopath!
Maybe, after devoting a year and a half to studying how the Internet can threaten my privacy which I covet a great deal, I may have become too self-conscious, maybe even paranoid. The fact of the matter is that, I live in a foreign land separated from family and most friends and the Internet offers the only practical mode of keeping in touch. SO, whether I like it or not, most of my social interactions now take place online. Maybe I am a victim of my own knowledge and maybe I am still unable to see these things in perspective. Maybe… I will have to learn to trust all over again…
Reading and keeping up-to-date with the latest tech-news is something I get paid to do, so I always had a good idea about the various dangers that were associated with the Internet. But when I started learning about the inner workings of computers and computer networks, things became a bit more serious. The curtain of enchantment that hid the principles of hacking and sending emails under someone else’s identity were burned down by simple logic. The technology that seems magical to most, turned out to be primitive and so easily exploitable when dissected. I would have expected all that knowledge to make me feel powerful, but it didn’t. Subconsciously, it made me perceive the Internet as inherently untrustworthy. I could not bring myself to trust anyone that I met exclusively online. I’ve heard of too many scams, phishing and cyber stalking to make that leap of trust.
Then came online communities – I got an invite from a friend to join Hi5, which I did. I liked the idea that it was a sort of easier and more fun way of keeping in touch with my friends, yet never ventured into cyberspace in search of new ones. When I browsed through the many networks of friends, I found out that most of my generation of Sri Lankans were more closely linked than I could ever have imagined, yet it did nothing to make me trust anyone that I didn’t know already. I came across a few interesting profiles and there were times when the temptation to share an idea or a suggestion overcame my reluctance to interact with strangers, but interestingly enough, I never expected to make new friends out of it and I never expected them to trust me either. It's almost funny when I think about it now, but I have often tried to explain to total strangers that they should not be so willing to trust me. I may have seemed like a psychopath!
Maybe, after devoting a year and a half to studying how the Internet can threaten my privacy which I covet a great deal, I may have become too self-conscious, maybe even paranoid. The fact of the matter is that, I live in a foreign land separated from family and most friends and the Internet offers the only practical mode of keeping in touch. SO, whether I like it or not, most of my social interactions now take place online. Maybe I am a victim of my own knowledge and maybe I am still unable to see these things in perspective. Maybe… I will have to learn to trust all over again…
Walk in the rain
O dark and heavy cloud
Wash me and refresh me
With your rain drops as I walk.
I am tired, yet I have far to go.
Pierce the dull gloom of the sky
With your needles of lightening.
Spark happy thoughts in my heart
With the shivers of a cool breeze.
Shake me and drench me like a tree
And awaken with your moist winds
The sleeping buds in my soul,
Then calm my weary eyes, to sleep
In the warmth of her dreams.
Wash me and refresh me
With your rain drops as I walk.
I am tired, yet I have far to go.
Pierce the dull gloom of the sky
With your needles of lightening.
Spark happy thoughts in my heart
With the shivers of a cool breeze.
Shake me and drench me like a tree
And awaken with your moist winds
The sleeping buds in my soul,
Then calm my weary eyes, to sleep
In the warmth of her dreams.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Today, I will remember
Today, I will remember you
For the love
That you poured generously for me
And burdens you bore willingly with joy
So that I may dream
Today, I will remember you
For the moments
We didn't have each other to share with
And the lonely tears and laughter we lost
To the cold winds of night
Today, I will remember you
For the thoughts
And little words that set me alight
For the beautiful inventions of our minds
And their inspiration
Today, I will remember you
For the strength
That you shared with me generously
The words, the laughter and things we did
And memories we made
Today, I will remember you
For the joy
And pride in the things we achieved
The simple and lasting happiness we found
Within our own hearts
Today, I will remember you
For gunshots
That you fired and those fired at you
And the deep trenches you dug in your soul
For me to take refuge
Today, I will remember you
For the waves
You battled against, and drowned
And each and every heartbeat and dream
The ocean stole from us
Today, I will remember you
For smiling
That sincere and warm smile
And the generosity that flowed from your heart
That uplifted another
Today, I will remember you
And pray,
That tomorrow I may not forget
For the love
That you poured generously for me
And burdens you bore willingly with joy
So that I may dream
Today, I will remember you
For the moments
We didn't have each other to share with
And the lonely tears and laughter we lost
To the cold winds of night
Today, I will remember you
For the thoughts
And little words that set me alight
For the beautiful inventions of our minds
And their inspiration
Today, I will remember you
For the strength
That you shared with me generously
The words, the laughter and things we did
And memories we made
Today, I will remember you
For the joy
And pride in the things we achieved
The simple and lasting happiness we found
Within our own hearts
Today, I will remember you
For gunshots
That you fired and those fired at you
And the deep trenches you dug in your soul
For me to take refuge
Today, I will remember you
For the waves
You battled against, and drowned
And each and every heartbeat and dream
The ocean stole from us
Today, I will remember you
For smiling
That sincere and warm smile
And the generosity that flowed from your heart
That uplifted another
Today, I will remember you
And pray,
That tomorrow I may not forget
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