About a year and a half ago, my friend and I were searching for topics to base our honours theses on. My friend took about a month to settle down with a topic, but it took just half an hour web-search for me to land on something that got my mind drenched in ideas – computer forensics and network security! I always had a thing for ‘investigating’ and an obsession with ‘defence strategy’ that ran back about half a decade, so I had a healthy appetite for what I was going to bite. Now, with my degree way behind me, my daily experiences and qualms has made me look back at my research in a different light.
Reading and keeping up-to-date with the latest tech-news is something I get paid to do, so I always had a good idea about the various dangers that were associated with the Internet. But when I started learning about the inner workings of computers and computer networks, things became a bit more serious. The curtain of enchantment that hid the principles of hacking and sending emails under someone else’s identity were burned down by simple logic. The technology that seems magical to most, turned out to be primitive and so easily exploitable when dissected. I would have expected all that knowledge to make me feel powerful, but it didn’t. Subconsciously, it made me perceive the Internet as inherently untrustworthy. I could not bring myself to trust anyone that I met exclusively online. I’ve heard of too many scams, phishing and cyber stalking to make that leap of trust.
Then came online communities – I got an invite from a friend to join Hi5, which I did. I liked the idea that it was a sort of easier and more fun way of keeping in touch with my friends, yet never ventured into cyberspace in search of new ones. When I browsed through the many networks of friends, I found out that most of my generation of Sri Lankans were more closely linked than I could ever have imagined, yet it did nothing to make me trust anyone that I didn’t know already. I came across a few interesting profiles and there were times when the temptation to share an idea or a suggestion overcame my reluctance to interact with strangers, but interestingly enough, I never expected to make new friends out of it and I never expected them to trust me either. It's almost funny when I think about it now, but I have often tried to explain to total strangers that they should not be so willing to trust me. I may have seemed like a psychopath!
Maybe, after devoting a year and a half to studying how the Internet can threaten my privacy which I covet a great deal, I may have become too self-conscious, maybe even paranoid. The fact of the matter is that, I live in a foreign land separated from family and most friends and the Internet offers the only practical mode of keeping in touch. SO, whether I like it or not, most of my social interactions now take place online. Maybe I am a victim of my own knowledge and maybe I am still unable to see these things in perspective. Maybe… I will have to learn to trust all over again…
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Walk in the rain
O dark and heavy cloud
Wash me and refresh me
With your rain drops as I walk.
I am tired, yet I have far to go.
Pierce the dull gloom of the sky
With your needles of lightening.
Spark happy thoughts in my heart
With the shivers of a cool breeze.
Shake me and drench me like a tree
And awaken with your moist winds
The sleeping buds in my soul,
Then calm my weary eyes, to sleep
In the warmth of her dreams.
Wash me and refresh me
With your rain drops as I walk.
I am tired, yet I have far to go.
Pierce the dull gloom of the sky
With your needles of lightening.
Spark happy thoughts in my heart
With the shivers of a cool breeze.
Shake me and drench me like a tree
And awaken with your moist winds
The sleeping buds in my soul,
Then calm my weary eyes, to sleep
In the warmth of her dreams.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Today, I will remember
Today, I will remember you
For the love
That you poured generously for me
And burdens you bore willingly with joy
So that I may dream
Today, I will remember you
For the moments
We didn't have each other to share with
And the lonely tears and laughter we lost
To the cold winds of night
Today, I will remember you
For the thoughts
And little words that set me alight
For the beautiful inventions of our minds
And their inspiration
Today, I will remember you
For the strength
That you shared with me generously
The words, the laughter and things we did
And memories we made
Today, I will remember you
For the joy
And pride in the things we achieved
The simple and lasting happiness we found
Within our own hearts
Today, I will remember you
For gunshots
That you fired and those fired at you
And the deep trenches you dug in your soul
For me to take refuge
Today, I will remember you
For the waves
You battled against, and drowned
And each and every heartbeat and dream
The ocean stole from us
Today, I will remember you
For smiling
That sincere and warm smile
And the generosity that flowed from your heart
That uplifted another
Today, I will remember you
And pray,
That tomorrow I may not forget
For the love
That you poured generously for me
And burdens you bore willingly with joy
So that I may dream
Today, I will remember you
For the moments
We didn't have each other to share with
And the lonely tears and laughter we lost
To the cold winds of night
Today, I will remember you
For the thoughts
And little words that set me alight
For the beautiful inventions of our minds
And their inspiration
Today, I will remember you
For the strength
That you shared with me generously
The words, the laughter and things we did
And memories we made
Today, I will remember you
For the joy
And pride in the things we achieved
The simple and lasting happiness we found
Within our own hearts
Today, I will remember you
For gunshots
That you fired and those fired at you
And the deep trenches you dug in your soul
For me to take refuge
Today, I will remember you
For the waves
You battled against, and drowned
And each and every heartbeat and dream
The ocean stole from us
Today, I will remember you
For smiling
That sincere and warm smile
And the generosity that flowed from your heart
That uplifted another
Today, I will remember you
And pray,
That tomorrow I may not forget
Monday, December 25, 2006
Of kites and dreams
There was once a time when it was warm and humid in July and yet December would bring along with it the cool dry winds for my kites to fly. I was still careless enough to run barefoot along the little streets with the excitement that only a fragile kite made of bamboo and tissue paper could bring. Its red and white frills dangled just below the electricity cables and telephone wires. Yet I never wanted to fly like a kite at the edge of a string. I wanted to soar like an eagle and breathe in the purple air of the sunrise.
I was young and so were my dreams. They were about kites that flew at the edge of a long nylon string and about airplanes that flew above them. I treasured the string, because even though a kite was just for a season, the string would remain in my closet for another year and then another. I may have spent half of my school holidays untangling its knots; because I enjoyed the puzzles they took solving and it taught me to be patient. So the string grew in length every year with new additions that seeya brought from the market, but it never grew long enough to let the kites fly as high as the airplanes.
One of seeya's joys was to see these simple and colorful creations of mine in flight, when I flew them from the little hill near the house. Perhaps it took him back to his boyhood and the simple dreams he had then, because the dreams of a young mind are simple and they don't dictate to you what you ought to need and how you ought to live. Dreams then were happy and ambitious. As I grew older, my dreams became more complex. They began to take the shapes and forms of people and things, and dissolve in the anxieties and worries of real life. Life has become a kite, flying under the impression of freedom in the sky, yet no further than the length of a string. It becomes almost impossible to fly against the wind.
As a boy, I flew the object of my dreams and as an adult the objects of my dreams fly me at the edge of their strings. I was once the creator of my dreams, but now I wonder, whether I have let myself become one of their creations.
I was young and so were my dreams. They were about kites that flew at the edge of a long nylon string and about airplanes that flew above them. I treasured the string, because even though a kite was just for a season, the string would remain in my closet for another year and then another. I may have spent half of my school holidays untangling its knots; because I enjoyed the puzzles they took solving and it taught me to be patient. So the string grew in length every year with new additions that seeya brought from the market, but it never grew long enough to let the kites fly as high as the airplanes.
One of seeya's joys was to see these simple and colorful creations of mine in flight, when I flew them from the little hill near the house. Perhaps it took him back to his boyhood and the simple dreams he had then, because the dreams of a young mind are simple and they don't dictate to you what you ought to need and how you ought to live. Dreams then were happy and ambitious. As I grew older, my dreams became more complex. They began to take the shapes and forms of people and things, and dissolve in the anxieties and worries of real life. Life has become a kite, flying under the impression of freedom in the sky, yet no further than the length of a string. It becomes almost impossible to fly against the wind.
As a boy, I flew the object of my dreams and as an adult the objects of my dreams fly me at the edge of their strings. I was once the creator of my dreams, but now I wonder, whether I have let myself become one of their creations.
Friday, December 22, 2006
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